say

WHAT MEN AND WOMEN SAY . . . . . AND WHAT THEY MEAN
WHAT WOMEN SAY	WHAT WOMEN MEAN
Can't we just be friends?	There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again.
I just need some space	...without you in it.
Do I look fat in this dress?	We haven't had a fight in a while.
No, pizza's fine	Cheap bastard.
I just do not want a boyfriend now	I just do not want you, as a boyfriend now.
I don't know; what do you want to do?	I can't believe that you have nothing planned.
You're certainly attentive tonight.	Is sex all you ever think about?
Come here	My puppy does this too.
I like you but...	I don't like you.
You never listen.	You never listen.
We are moving to quickly	Forget it buddy, I am not going to sleep with you.
I'll be ready in a minute	I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will.
Oh, no, I will pay for myself	I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch.
Oh Yes! Right there	Well, near there; I just want to get this over
I'm just going out with the girls	We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends.
There's no one else	I am doing your brother.
Size doesn't count...	unless I want an orgasm.
You want	You want
We need	I want
It's your decision	The correct decision should be obvious by now.
Do what you want	You'll pay for this later.
We need to talk	I need to complain.
Sure... go ahead	I don't want you to.
I'm not upset	Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly	You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting!	I'm pms'ing.
Be romantic, turn out the lights.	I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient	I want a new house.
I want new curtains	and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...
I need new shoes	The other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
Hang the picture there	NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise	I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?	I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?	I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute	Kick off your shoes and find a good show on T.V.
Is my butt fat?	Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate.	Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!?	Too late, you're dead.
Yes	No
No	No
Maybe	No
I'm sorry.	You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe?	It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby?	Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling!	Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish	It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new pocket books, and OMIGOD those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

WHAT MEN SAY	WHAT MEN MEAN
It is just orange juice, try it.	3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head.
She's kind of cute	I want to have sex with her.
I don't know if I like her	She won't blow me.
I need you	My hand is tired.
I had her	I had (wet dreams about) her all week.
You're the only girl I've ever cared about	You are the only girl who has not rejected me.
I want you back	...for tonight anyway.
We've been through so much together	If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity.
I miss you so much	I am so horny that the crack of dawn is looking appealing.
No, I do not want to dance right now	Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on.
I really want to get to know you better	...so I can tell my friends about it.
How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?	Is my penis really that small?
"I'm hungry."	I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy."	I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired."	I'm tired.
"Do you want to go to a movie?"	I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I take you out to dinner?"	I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Can I call you sometime?"	I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"May I have this dance?"	I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
"Nice dress!"	Nice cleavage!
"You look tense, let me give you a massage."	I want to fondle you.
"What's wrong?"	I don't see why you are making such a big deal out of this.
"What's wrong?"	What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?"	I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
"I'm bored."	Do you want to have sex?
"I love you."	Let's have sex now.
"I love you, too."	Okay, I said it, can we have sex now?
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."	I liked it better before.
"Yes, I like the way you cut your hair."	$50 and it doesn't look that much different!
"Let's talk."	I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
"Will you marry me?"	I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
(while shopping) "I like that one better."	Pick any fucking dress and let's go home!
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together."	I am gay.

If men and women had remote controls, this is what the handsets would look like:

Woman's answer	What she means
The same old thing	Nothing
Nothing	Everything
Everything	My PMS is acting up
Nothing, really	It's just that you're such an asshole
I don't want to talk about it	Go away, I'm still building up steam